You’ve been waiting. And Waiting. It seems as if it will never actually happen.

You’ve been waiting. And Waiting. It seems as if it will never actually happen.

You’ve been waiting. And Waiting. It seems as if it will never actually happen.

You sleep, you eat, you workout and go about your daily routine. 

Most days it feels as if time has simply stopped.  You wonder if the batteries in your watch have died and has the screen on your iPhone frozen…???

Every day the sun peeks up and rises just as the moon slips away, but yet you are still in the same, numb place as yesterday.  You go through each day as if it’s a movie and you see the credits roll and the music keeps playing; but for you, the movie isn’t over. Not yet.

You’ve been waiting.  And waiting. You often wonder if the universe is keeping you from moving from the very spot you’ve been stuck in for what seems like forever.

You try to distract yourself with work, friends, family and offering to help others with tasks that fill the hours. You try to take up new activities, or classes at the gym and you even get creative with new hobbies.

You try to appear to have a life filled with excitement as best as you can, because you can’t stand to allow your mind to wander (although you know it will) — to that thing you’re waiting for to happen, the one that.will.never.happen. But you keep waiting. And waiting.

You wake up and your mind seems to hold out more hope day after day but the reality is that your heart breaks more and more with even the faintest thought of reality.

You fight yourself every night telling yourself to “get a grip and move on”.  You feel the warmth of the sun as it rises and beams through the window , giving you new hope that maybe – just maybe this is the day that the miracle will happen. So you keep waiting. And waiting.

You are numb and quiet as you scroll down the screen of your phone, you are not paying attention and find yourself falling asleep as you pass the time. You get through your day like a soulless drone and you struggle for the energy and motivation to cook a meal at the end of the day.

You see the beauty that surrounds you but the colors are dull.  You hold that mug of fresh brewed coffee but you don’t feel the warmth of it in your hands. You smell the change of seasons and the welcome of fall but you don’t feel welcome at all, not today or any day.  You treat yourself to some new clothes, but you feel no different.  You hear the music, but don’t listen to any of the lyrics. You are not living.  You’re screaming at the top of your lungs but no one hears you.

You’re running as fast as you can but you are not going anywhere. You’re hoping someone notices your pain but it’s as if you’re not there at all.  You seem to be invisible.

You know what you want, but you can’t get it. The ball is not in your court, it’s in someone else’s. You have nothing else to do but wait — wait for something that may never happen.

If only you had a genie in a bottle or a shooting star. If only wishes came true at 11:11 or when you blow on a dandelion.

You wait. And you wait. You know you should give up and move on.  You want to give up,  but you won’t because you see yourself as the happiest person if, just if you got it. You know it would be worth the wait, so you wait anyway.

You’re tired, and now you begin to tell yourself you’re moving on. You force yourself. You try so hard. You try not to think about it.  Just go about your day you tell yourself.  So you go out, you spend time with those close to you and you laugh at your friends’ jokes and silliness.

You will enjoy the first cold day of winter and you will take in the sunset each night.  Be prepared though, because it will hit you again like the seasonal cold. You won’t be able to help it. It is what it is.

And the truth is, you don’t desire mediocre anything.  You crave the beauty and belly of the extraordinary, you want to burn at the right temperature.  You want to feel your own heartbeat, so you wait and you wait.  It seems as if it will never actually happen.

 

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